AoT AU: Behind His Walls: Levi x Reader: Part 14

“You were…there?” Erwin repeated, not hardly believing what his friend just said.
Levi nodded slowly.
“Yeah, I was.”
Erwin furrowed his eyebrows, and sat back in his chair.
“Explain then,” he said in a quiet voice.
Levi glanced down at his tea before speaking, almost like a scolded child fessing up.

“I was the ex-soldier you mentioned in the story.”
Erwin frowned.
“How did I not know about this? On the news, or elsewhere?”
Levi shook his head.
“I made it explicitly clear to the authorities that I didn’t want my name put out there.”
“But why not? You were hailed a hero for that–”
“You already said why not,” Levi interjected. He still couldn’t bring himself to look Erwin in the eye, which the blond man was confused by.
“f/n’s parents…” he continued, “I couldn’t save them…”

Levi’s eyes narrowed slightly, and had a glazed, almost dead look in them, and Erwin recognized that look. It was the equivalent of Levi nearly crying.
“Levi…” Erwin said quietly, leaning forward, “No one blames you for not saving them. You did all you could–”
“I knew he had a gun,” the raven-haired man interjected, hardly listening to his friend, “I knew it the second he walked in. And if I would’ve just acted a second faster…”
He shook his head, and ran his hand through his dark tresses.
“I’ll never forget the look on f/n’s face,” he murmured, causing Erwin’s breath to catch.
“I walked out of that bank…and she was standing there…not even crying. Just shocked…devastated…”
He suddenly pounded his fist on the table, and Erwin sat up in surprise.
“And the mayor gave me a damned key to the city for what I did.”
Levi shook his head.
“I keep that key in my office, but not because I think it’s an honor. No…it’s to remind me to be thankful for everything I have, because you never know when they can be taken away from you…just like f/n…”

No one spoke for several seconds, as Erwin let everything Levi told him sink in. He couldn’t have imagined this was the secret he had been sharing. What would you think?
“Levi,” Erwin said gently, “You have to tell f/n. She’d want to know.”
The raven-haired man sighed.
“I know, Erwin. I’ve thought about it every time I see her. It’s just, every time I get close to telling…I think about the look on her face when they told her her parents were…” he trailed off. “I know I don’t need to feel guilty, but I just do.”
He finally lifted his head, meeting Erwin’s blue eyes with his stony grey ones.
“I’m too afraid to tell her.”

Erwin’s eyes grew wide at his friend’s words. In all the time he’d known Levi, the man had never been afraid to say what needed to be said.
“She won’t be angry, you know,” he said carefully, “It was the robber who killed her parents, not you.”
Levi nodded.
“I know. I really do. That doesn’t change how I feel though.”
Erwin was quiet for a moment, still struggling to comprehend the whole situation.
“You will…tell her eventually, right?” he finally asked.
Levi nodded again.
“Yeah. I will. At the right time.”

***

The following Monday morning came around bright and early with your alarm going off.
Groaning, you hit the button and sat up.
You weren’t quite sure why, but something seemed…off today. Like there was a weight on your shoulders or something.
You turned your phone on, and checked the date, sighing heavily to yourself.
Today was going to be a long day.
Your parent’s anniversary.

***

You sat through Hanji and Nanaba’s classes without paying attention whatsoever.
There was something about this day that was worse than others. Christmas, Thanksgiving, their birthdays…those were all terrible without them too, but their anniversary always seemed the worst of all. It was like a blatant reminder that they weren’t here anymore.
You started making your usual speed walk to algebra. The air was growing cooler and cooler by the day, making it less sweaty and strenuous to move so quickly nowadays, which you were thankful for.
The entirety of class you mostly stared out the window, trying not to think about anything at all.

Levi noticed this. He was about to say something, as he would usually try to reprimand anyone not paying attention in his class, but there was something about the way you looked that stopped him.
He couldn’t help but feel sorry, if not somewhat worried, about the strained and desolate expression on your face, and he wondered what it could be about.

After what seemed like an eternity, class was dismissed. You slowly packed your belongings and headed out the door, face down.
It was about two steps out that you felt it hit you.
‘Oh no…’ you thought to yourself, as your eyes started to water.
You looked around wildly for a bathroom, but couldn’t find one, so you ran around the corner and into the stairwell, where you slumped against the wall.
Hot tears started rolling down your cheeks that couldn’t be stopped, and you covered your mouth with your hand, trying to stifle your crying.
Closing your eyes, you slid down the wall and took a seat off to the side of the stairs, trying to become invisible.

You weren’t sure how long you were there when suddenly, you felt a hand on your knee.
You gasped, and instinctively recoiled your body, but your eyes widened when you recognized the raven-haired man in front of you.
“L-Levi–” you stuttered, face growing red at the thought of him seeing you like this.
But the look on his face was not judgmental. No, not in the least bit. Instead, his eyes seemed to say, ‘I understand,’ and made you feel like you could trust him.
He was crouched next to you, and then stood, holding out a hand.
“Let’s go to my office,” he said, and before you could think about what you were doing, you found yourself reach up and allow him to help you to your feet.
As you took his hand, you couldn’t help but notice how his touch didn’t make you shiver anymore. It felt, comforting, and almost…normal.

He let go once you were standing and you followed him to his office.
It was only a short trip up the stairs and down a hallway. You arrived in front of his door, and he pulled out his keys.
A few students walked by, and you turned your head so they wouldn’t see you, only to notice Levi move around you to block you from their view.
‘He’s being so nice…’ you thought to yourself, gracious yet slightly overwhelmed by his kindness.
Levi unlocked the door, and opened it for you to go in first. You took the seat across from his desk as he closed the door behind him.

“I-I’m s-s-sorry,” you stammered, trying to talk plainly, but without much success.
“Don’t talk,” Levi said, his voice stern but gentle, and passed you a box of tissues.
You took the box and nodded in appreciation. Taking a minute, you managed to calm your breathing down to an acceptable level and could begin to think more clearly.

“I’m sorry,” you tried again now, grateful that your voice only wavered slightly. “It’s just…my parents anniversary is today and…”
You took a deep breath, still trying to calm yourself more. Levi sat and waited patiently.
“And well, they’re not here, erm, alive anymore,” you mumbled, not able to meet his gaze.
A silence ensued now, and you weren’t quite sure how to react, and shifted uncomfortably in your seat.  
“You didn’t have to share that with me, you know,” Levi suddenly spoke up, and you picked your head up to meet his gaze
You thought about his words for a moment, and realized he was right. Why did you share that with him? You hadn’t even told your friends about your parents.
But you knew why, really. For some reason, you now trusted Levi. It was rather inexplicable, but you felt he truly understood your pain somehow, that he understood everything behind his stony exterior.
“I know…” you said slowly, “…but I wanted to.”

Levi nodded.
“I’m sorry about your loss,” he said evenly.
You gave a thin smile.
“Thanks. And I’m sorry again…crying in your office like this. You must think I’m pathetic.”
The raven-haired man frowned.
“You’re not pathetic f/n,” he said quietly. “Don’t ever think that you’re not strong, because you are.”
The tone of his voice made your breath catch and you weren’t sure how to respond. You could feel your cheeks heat up however, and you hoped he didn’t notice you blushing.
“Th-thank you, Levi,” you finally stuttered.

You dabbed the corners of your eyes a final time, then stood up, feeling much more stable than before.
“I’ll see you Wednesday,” you said as you opened the door, and Levi nodded goodbye.
Closing the door behind you, you stopped in the hall for a minute, trying to clear your mind.
While the sad thoughts of your parents seemed to have disappeared for now, you had yet to sort out these strange feelings you were beginning to have for your professor…

After you left, Levi let out a long sigh, leaning back in his chair.
Just as he had begun to work up the courage to tell you the truth about your parent’s death, there he had found you, crying in the stairwell.
The guilt he had been trying to rid himself of was renewed, and his heart nearly broke at seeing you there.

He had been trying to deny it for some time now, but after finding you in that stairwell, so sad and small, he couldn’t help but face his true feelings.
He had always cared about you, ever since the day of the incident. But now…he understood his feelings went beyond the normal boundaries of friendship.
Levi, the man who had been in the army for four years, who had apprehended a known serial robber, who was never afraid of anything or anyone, was now terrified of his own feelings he was developing toward you.